Fiyero's Broken Butt
by Fae'sFlower
Summary: "Well, technically, he fractured his tailbone, but let's face it… he broke his butt." Hint of Flinda, with Fiyeraba at the end. Oneshot.


**This one-shot was inspired by a scene from the TV show 'Reba' and a bit of Tyler Perry's 'Madea'. I do not own either of these. Enjoy!**

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Elphaba, Nessa and Boq were sitting in Fiyero's dorm room, waiting for the prince and his girlfriend to enter.

"Where are they?" Elphaba huffed impatiently.

"Patience, Fabala," Nessa said, frowning slightly at her sister. "If they're not back yet, that means their not finished."

"I wonder what happened to Fiyero," Boq wondered out loud.

Elphaba sighed. "He was dancing on the statue of Shiz's founder, probably speaking about, and I quote, 'Life's more painless, for the brainless' which he fulfills fully, might I add…"

"Fabala," Nessa frowned.

"Anyway, he fell off and landed flat on his back and was rushed to the infirmary."

"I hope he's alright," the younger Thropp whispered.

As soon as the words left Nessa's mouth, Galinda rushed into the room, a large white bag slung over her shoulder.

"How is he?" Boq asked.

"Fine. He's on his way in. But I must warn you know. Don't joke about his injury."

"Why? What happened?" Elphaba asked.

Galinda paused briefly before answering. "He broke his butt."

Elphaba made a noise as she tried to hold in her laughter, but failed and fell back onto the bed in a laughing fit.

"He… he what?" Boq asked, laughing along with Elphaba.

"Fiyero broke his butt?" the green girl cackled.

Galinda nodded and fought a smile. "Yeah. Well, technically, he fractured his tailbone, but let's face it… he broke his butt."

Elphaba snorted. "Well… I already knew that."

"You did?" Nessa asked, turning towards her sister.

"How?" Boq asked.

"His butt always had a crack in it."

"Fabala!" Nessa went beat red and smacked her sister's arm. The green girl and Boq were caught in another laughing fit while Galinda just stood there, shaking her head.

"Elphie," the blonde admonished.

"What?" Elphaba asked, composing herself. "That's what he gets, dancing himself through life."

"Poor Fiyero," Nessa sighed, hanging her head.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, Nessie," Elphaba said, trying to comfort her sister.

"Yeah. He'll be fine. We just need to treat him with dignity and respect and- Oh, he's coming in."

Elphaba, Nessa and Boq turned and saw Fiyero walk stiffly through the door.

"Hi," Boq said, trying to conceal his laughter.

"Hi," Fiyero said, standing in the doorway.

"So… it was your back?" Elphaba asked.

"Yeah, back. Well… back-ish," Fiyero said, making a vague gesture to his rear end.

"Won't you sit down?" Nessa asked.

"No, thanks. I'll stand."

"Don't be silly, Fifi, dearest. The doctor said you must get off your feet," Galinda said, reaching into her bag and pulling out an air-filled, donut shaped, pink cushion.

One look at the cushion and Elphaba and Boq slid off the bed and onto the floor.

"No, I'll stand," Fiyero said, shooting the blonde a look.

"No, really, Fiyero, pull up a donut," Boq laughed, trying to use Elphaba for support, though the laughing green girl wasn't much of a help.

"Honestly, you two sound like dying wild hyenas," Nessa said, though she was smiling at the sight of the pink cushion.

"Come on, guys. What happened to treating Fiyero with respect and dignity?" Galinda asked.

"Hey, you're the one who pulled out the pink cushion," Elphaba said, pushing herself onto her elbows.

Galinda waved a dismissive hand and placed the cushion on a chair and gently helped the prince sit down. As soon as Fiyero sat down, the cushion made a punctured noise.

Everyone laughed.

"It has a leak," Fiyero muttered.

"Oh, Fiyero, I'm so sorry," Nessa apologized, quickly covering her mouth with her hand.

"Don't be embarrassed about your butt ring," Elphaba cackled.

"Forget it," Fiyero said, pushing himself to his feet, but Galinda pushed him back down.

"Fifi, you really must stay off your feet. Just sit down and let us take care of you. Can I get you anything to eat?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

The prince thought for a moment. "Well, a cherry tart would be nice."

Galinda frowned. "Maybe you should eat something a bit… healthier."

"Glin, just because I have a fractured tailbone doesn't mean I need to change my entire diet."

"Yes, because your diet is perfect as it is," Elphaba said, rolling her eyes.

"You don't know what I eat!" Fiyero frowned, glaring at the green girl.

"I know exactly what you eat! Every morning, you have ten pieces of bacon, pork chops, biscuits with jelly _and_ orange juice!" Elphaba shot back.

"Well, that's where you're lying because I don't even eat pork. I ate ham. _Thank_ you!"

Elphaba was about to retort when Nessa quickly interrupted her.

"We should probably go and let Fiyero get some rest now," she said, gripping Elphaba's arm.

Boq pouted, but stood to his feet and stepped behind Nessa's wheelchair. "We'll check up on things later."

"Please don't," Fiyero groaned.

Boq pushed Nessa out and bit back his laughter as he closed the door behind them.

Galinda sighed as she gently patted Fiyero's shoulder. "I'm going to the café to get some soup. I'll be right back. Try not to kill each other." And with that, the blonde left.

Fiyero and Elphaba were left in the room alone. Fiyero looked up at the green girl, who was staring at the bowl of her lap.

"You know, it wasn't nice of you to laugh at me like that," the prince finally said.

"You're the one who was stupid enough to dance on a statue."

Fiyero winced and looked down on his lap.

"I'm sorry," the green girl whispered, noticing the hurt expression on the prince's face. "But really, I didn't think anyone could be _that_ brainless."

"Hey! I've got brains!"

"Says the guy who, on his application to go on the Emerald City trip last semester, when it asked for 'sex', wrote 'no, virgin'."

"I didn't know it meant your _gender_!" Fiyero defended himself. "Usually, applications have check boxes… and this one didn't."

"Because I'm sure Morrible needed to know that you've never…"

"Okay, Fae, I get it!"

The green girl froze. "F-Fae?"

The prince paled slightly and looked at the green girl. "Y-you… you don't mind me calling you 'Fae', do you?"

"What… why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to call me 'Fae'? What's wrong with my name?"

"Nothing's wrong with your name, Fae. I think it's a beautiful nickname for a beautiful girl."

Elphaba snorted. "I'm not beautiful. I don't care how many of Galinda's makeovers I have to sit through, I'm not beautiful."

"Just because you have green skin doesn't mean you're not beautiful."

"That's the _exact_ reason why I'm _not_ beautiful."

"Does that mean I can't call you 'Fae'?"

The green girl frowned and narrowed her eyes at the prince. "Fine. You can call me 'Fae', Brainless."

"Hey, now what's wrong with _my_ name?"

"Nothing, Brainless."

"I'm _not_ brainless, you know."

"Tell that to your broken butt."

"Hey!"

"What?" the green girl asked innocently.

"I did _not_ break my butt!"

"Well… it _is_ cracked…"

Frowning, Fiyero reached behind him and chucked his pillow at the green girl's head, which she quickly dodged. "You're impossible, Thropp!"

"You're impeccable, Tigulaar," Elphaba said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Smirking, Fiyero slowly pushed himself to his feet. "I know."

"Do you even know what that word means?"

"Of course I do," Fiyero said as he walked into the kitchen.

Elphaba cackled, but quickly stopped when Fiyero turned around to look at her.

"What?" he asked.

"You walk like a penguin," Elphaba shrugged like it was obvious.

Fiyero gave her a quick once over before turning around and walking away.

Elphaba laughed as she lowered herself onto the edge of Fiyero's bed. She didn't _have_ to tell him that the cushion was sticking to his butt, did she?

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